Will never ever end!

It's so hard to lose the one you love. To finally have to say goodbye! I try to be strong but the pain keeps holding onto me. And all that you can do is cry!:'( Deep within my heart i know it's time to move on. When the fairy tale that you once knew is gone. When the last tear drop falls, I'll still be holdin' on to all of our memories and all of what used to be would remain in my heart. When the last tear drop falls, I will stand tall and know that you're here with me in my heart... So now I'm alone when i need you the most! Will there be a time when I'll fall in love again? When I was meant to walk these streets alone If there was just one wish I could be granted here tonight. It would be to have you right back by my side. Now it's time for me to find my happiness again. And the emptiness from missin' you. Will never ever end, baby!♥

Tonight is just me and my tears!

Cried in school today... cuz, was shouted by you for no reason...== wts. I feel so shitty case now...;/ Cut my self... deep into my skin... Then was needed to went around calling out for monitress and got misunderstand...== And was from you?! Wtf... didn't expect that you would believe what ppl say?!>< How stupid i could be believing you were OKAY with it... but, you cried secretly... Fuck! I hate myself like seriously...;/ sigh... after school was actually fine got back to my normal mood after a long day. You came up to me i thought you wanted to say something else but instead you just said my sister is waiting for me in the canteen am like ohh.. yeah i know... but before i could say you left..;/ nevermind... went down to look for my sis and you were with her, walk over took my soft toy back from you and heard from YOUR friend that  someone smell it i was like i didn't let anyone smell it yet you allow, i don't even let anyone touch it!>< Left and headed some other places with my sis and my dad went around... didn't talk much didn't really have the mood through...;/ my fake laughter was there... hiax... who am i kidding? Why do i always feel this strange feeling in my heart?! What's that?! I had never had this feeling so hurt before! Cried while bathing... didn't help...== not at all... and guess now i need to cry myself to sleep... All i wanna ask you is if i call out your name in a prayer would you leave me alone in tears? Knowing that i need you now so badly would you turn around and comfort me? Tonight i wanna cry... just me and my tears...

Today went uss with my family!!! I learn my lesson, never to go uss with my little brother! HAHA! :P I sat so many rides but ofcause need to queue for super long some is more then 1 HOUR! GOSSH! I love the big rollar coaster!!! I wanna go there again!!! After that saw fireworks! It was super nice like really! Love it to the max!!! Hehe! Came home quite late lol... was bathing and suddenly vomitted! Not feeling well! ARGGG! Tmr i aint going for church! Can't see you!!!)': SAD MUCH! I MISS YOU SO BADLY RIGHT NOW! What to do?)': Anyway, since you not feeling well tmr hopefully you over sleep and didn't go to church rest well ar!!! Don't make me worry can?! Yessh!>;/ hehe! You fell asleep can imagine haha! Hmmm, should i text you when i going to sleep? shall see about that first bah! HAHAHA! Now! ~Waiting for hair to dry in progess~ HAHAHA!!

Thought it would be fine, but yet is a suckest day...)':

Went school with you! At first was fine, you fetch me all the way up class. I was like in a good mood! Until, during asembly... when there is some hongkong ppl came to our school for some presentation and staff...== Could hear your voice very loudly...HAHA! That's when it started to suck like seriously! You said one of the girl over there that is presenting very chio... Am like yeah okay! I don't really bother at first! But, why must you said it twice and i'm like wts really. I wanted to say you cheat my feelings... and i'm like thinking nah... so i said yeah, i know her then i intro to you okay? But, in my heart i could even hear my heart about to tear into pieces i tried hiding my emotions cuz, i know you're just trying to make me JEALOUS! Guess what?! Congrats! You mange to make me feel that way! You said you were just kidding... You might seem like a joke to you, but you know how much it hurts so much having you to say those words about others?! I don't mind you saying someone chio cuz, everyone is(except me). But, Imagine if i would to say I hate you, and i love someone else... I might say is a joke but in the other hand that person that i said it to feel deeply hurt. That's how i feel!! You know that feeling is like SHIT! Seriously... After that, i totally no mood...== Can die... Got scolding for each and every lesson... don't really bother... First is mr low for dunno what also, second is mr lee... for not doing homework... third is ms soroma! And i got scolded for no reason! WTF! She say what she observe me very long and staff say i always sleep when is not even true lor! I put my head down cuz, i'm reading the book and she acuse me wrongly... i'm like yar lar... whatever... And my friends kenna scolding for using phone in class and they all suspect is i tell... Why would i wanna tell like fuck! really! If i tell teacher got medal to win?? No right?! And i admit i use phone too... so why must i tell YESH!>;/ Serious lar! Today fucking sucks! And my mind was all full of your words that you say... I was like argggggg! Why cant you just not say anything and make me feel so shit right now!... ;/ Sigh...)': And whatever you said is like i dunno why but i cant seem to believe it's true, not like how i used to believe it is! Gossh! I fucking feel like shit! I feel like crying so badly but i hold back my tears until now! And i guess tonight i'm just have to cry myself to sleep or else i wouldn't be able to sleep...)':

Jealous!)':

I don't know why I dont trust you but i would go crazy when you hang with her, I need a straightjacket for my mouth, so my J.E.A.L.O.U.S feelings keep coming out, I might aswell wrap them up in a bow, all I'm doing is making her wanna go, I need you to help me calm my doubts, so my J.E.A.L.O.U. S. feelings don't bring us down. I don't wanna be naggin, i don't wish to be draggin you down, don't wanna be pushin, look what I'm doing now. So, i'm a jealous type of girl, girl do you know?? JEALOUS! girl, I don't know how you got me acting like this. How do i stop all these thoughts?? Maybe our love ain't strong enough, i need to get a grip on myself before i push you right into the arms of someone else. Its like i wrap it in a bit a bow. So my JEALOUS feelings dont bring us down. I don't want us to fall apart because of her!)':
JEALOUSY= INSECURE!

I'm jealous for every girl that hug you, hold your hand or even goes near you! For that every girl that go nears you hold a short second my whole entire life!♥

Scared...I Love you!

I'm scared because... I don't want anyone else to HAVE YOUR HEART! I don't want anyone else to HAVE YOUR LIPS! I don't want anyone else to be in your arms! I don't want want anyone else to be THE ONE YOU LOVE! I'm scared because I don't want anyone else to TAKE MY PLACE! I always think of you! All day, all night! Hoping you're alright... Every minute, every second of the day i would think of you in a special way! I really do! All because I LOVE YOU! I lay in bed every night thankful that you are mine! You kiss my lips softly and i know we're met to be, you stare into my eyes as you hold me... Your comfortable words wake me up into heaven, I can't think of anyone else i'd rather be with. No one i'd like to spend my life with you! I couldn't ever stop loving you, And i'll always be by yourside loving. I'll always love you. FOREVER AND A DAY BABY!

I'm sorry...I never want to hurt you...)':

Wake up this morning...didn't feel so well... it feels like my head is bigger then my body, it feels like i'm about to fall down... Sigh... Maybe because i miss you too much that's why... Without you my world is falling apart... Ate one piece of bread and didn't felt like eating anymore... So, decided to do my homework... but, failed... no mood in doing my homework! I was doing half way and suddenly your image kept flashing through my head!!! And i try distracting myself but failed to do so!): I lie down my head feels like spinning around once i stand up! Hate that feeling seriously... This is the second time i miss you like crazy till i fall sick... Everytime you leave to go overseas and staff(camps). Around 4++ i think? Went online to chat with you... But, in the end we ended up hurting each other... I felt so hurt... It wasn't my fault that you couldn't see me... And you don't allow me to see you?! You know it hurts! not being able to see you! Not because my com lag or not! Because you don't allow?! Arggggg! I ended call with you cuz, i didn't wanna let you see me in tears... Guess what? You called again and i had to reject! I wanna see you! But, i don't wanna force you plus i don't wanna let you see me in tears! I really need to control my tears infront of you! Whether to cry or not... My eye was just totally red and wet! I cant let you see me in that state! I hated myself so much! That i wish to cut myself so badly... Listening to when you're gone over and over again... more tears fall! It feels like you're about to leave me when you posted this 'I guess you shouldn't know me... I wouldn't have ruined your life' And and what makes you think that you runied my life?! You know it hurts it hurts alot alot! Looking through your photos make me miss you more and tear more! You know after what you said it feels like i'm the one who ruined your life! Sigh... I'M SORRY IF I DID! I just cant seem to take my eyes of you! And i cant do it! Because I LOVE YOU SO MUCH SEEING YOU BEING HURT BY ME! IT HURTS ME SO MUCH! YOU KNOW? GUESS YOU DON'T EVEN BOTHER...)':

Not doing so well...):

Went school today waited for the bus for so long 710 then come! Was late for school but luckily havent start yet... Reached school around 719? Was emoing all the way till recess...i put a fake smile everytime someone talks to me and call my name... After recess was doing science experiment until assemble i cant help it but to laugh my CrAzY! Friends kept tickling me and playing with my they wanted to push my balookoo that looked like heartshape! PAIN PAIN! Then started to go back emo in class during CT time... Stomach pain like shit! After school saw nadiah and talked to her and i just say out all my emotions infront of her! And felt so much better! I nearly cried infront of her but i manage to hold back my tears... Guess what? First i had was soar thoat followed by stomach pain and then flu and now fever...== Okay...going to rest now don't feel like blogging anyway... Byebye! I miss you! Hope you're doing fine there! LOVE YOU LOTSSSSS!!!