I'm sorry...I never want to hurt you...)':

Wake up this morning...didn't feel so well... it feels like my head is bigger then my body, it feels like i'm about to fall down... Sigh... Maybe because i miss you too much that's why... Without you my world is falling apart... Ate one piece of bread and didn't felt like eating anymore... So, decided to do my homework... but, failed... no mood in doing my homework! I was doing half way and suddenly your image kept flashing through my head!!! And i try distracting myself but failed to do so!): I lie down my head feels like spinning around once i stand up! Hate that feeling seriously... This is the second time i miss you like crazy till i fall sick... Everytime you leave to go overseas and staff(camps). Around 4++ i think? Went online to chat with you... But, in the end we ended up hurting each other... I felt so hurt... It wasn't my fault that you couldn't see me... And you don't allow me to see you?! You know it hurts! not being able to see you! Not because my com lag or not! Because you don't allow?! Arggggg! I ended call with you cuz, i didn't wanna let you see me in tears... Guess what? You called again and i had to reject! I wanna see you! But, i don't wanna force you plus i don't wanna let you see me in tears! I really need to control my tears infront of you! Whether to cry or not... My eye was just totally red and wet! I cant let you see me in that state! I hated myself so much! That i wish to cut myself so badly... Listening to when you're gone over and over again... more tears fall! It feels like you're about to leave me when you posted this 'I guess you shouldn't know me... I wouldn't have ruined your life' And and what makes you think that you runied my life?! You know it hurts it hurts alot alot! Looking through your photos make me miss you more and tear more! You know after what you said it feels like i'm the one who ruined your life! Sigh... I'M SORRY IF I DID! I just cant seem to take my eyes of you! And i cant do it! Because I LOVE YOU SO MUCH SEEING YOU BEING HURT BY ME! IT HURTS ME SO MUCH! YOU KNOW? GUESS YOU DON'T EVEN BOTHER...)':